The Best Revenge
I was at a meeting this morning. In it, one of the Penetrode bigwigs was waxing nostalgic about getting fired from one of his early jobs. He later went on to great success and wealth, while the company that fired him went under.
He closed by saying "Indeed, living well is the best revenge."
Despite an earlier warning from HR, I decided to raise my hand. "You have a question?" he asked me.
"Yes. I've given a great deal of thought to the topic of revenge, and I was wondering. What about suspending your enemy upside down in a pit full of diseased ticks? Isn't that really the best revenge?"
For what it's worth, I've been thinking about ticks as a method of revenge ever since the Manion family Christmas miracle of 2005.
Then there was one of those lengthy silences that indicates that I've shared a little too much.
"Manion, isn't it?" he asked.
I nodded.
There was another lengthy pause.
Finally, the bigwig answered my question. "Ticks are certainly a novel choice as far as revenge goes. The idea, however, is that by forcing your target - your revengee, if you will - to watch you "live the good life," you're providing a more enduring, and also more legal, form of revenge."
"You raise a valid point," I conceded. "Why don't we compromise? How about we change the saying to 'Living well while forcing your enemy to watch you while suspended upside down in a pit filled with diseased ticks is the best revenge.'"
"Well, the purpose of this meeting wasn't really to debate modalities of revenge, Mr. Manion."
"Well, if that's not the purpose of this meeting, then why did you bring it up?"
"I was merely trying to underscore the idea that sometimes a new idea can prevail against the conventional wisdom."
"And isn't that exactly what I'm trying to do?" I asked. "The conventional wisdom talks about living well, but I think Penetrode is ready for something new. Something that pushes the envelope. And the pit full o'ticks, both diseased and regular, is where we need to be. Penetrode could be leading the world in revenge methodology, but instead we're stuck in the past, with this whole "living well" garbage. Talk about behind the times! I say we invest immediately in ticks, and put our R&D department to work on the latest pit digging advances."
At that point, the bigwig's eyes took on that terrified expression that often appears on the faces of those who talk to me for more than thirty seconds. "Yes. Yes, why don't we do that," he said, edging towards the door. "Security will be by shortly to help you flesh out the details."
Strangely, security wanted to discuss the details outside, while handing me the contents of my cube in a plastic bag....
LM
He closed by saying "Indeed, living well is the best revenge."
Despite an earlier warning from HR, I decided to raise my hand. "You have a question?" he asked me.
"Yes. I've given a great deal of thought to the topic of revenge, and I was wondering. What about suspending your enemy upside down in a pit full of diseased ticks? Isn't that really the best revenge?"
For what it's worth, I've been thinking about ticks as a method of revenge ever since the Manion family Christmas miracle of 2005.
Then there was one of those lengthy silences that indicates that I've shared a little too much.
"Manion, isn't it?" he asked.
I nodded.
There was another lengthy pause.
Finally, the bigwig answered my question. "Ticks are certainly a novel choice as far as revenge goes. The idea, however, is that by forcing your target - your revengee, if you will - to watch you "live the good life," you're providing a more enduring, and also more legal, form of revenge."
"You raise a valid point," I conceded. "Why don't we compromise? How about we change the saying to 'Living well while forcing your enemy to watch you while suspended upside down in a pit filled with diseased ticks is the best revenge.'"
"Well, the purpose of this meeting wasn't really to debate modalities of revenge, Mr. Manion."
"Well, if that's not the purpose of this meeting, then why did you bring it up?"
"I was merely trying to underscore the idea that sometimes a new idea can prevail against the conventional wisdom."
"And isn't that exactly what I'm trying to do?" I asked. "The conventional wisdom talks about living well, but I think Penetrode is ready for something new. Something that pushes the envelope. And the pit full o'ticks, both diseased and regular, is where we need to be. Penetrode could be leading the world in revenge methodology, but instead we're stuck in the past, with this whole "living well" garbage. Talk about behind the times! I say we invest immediately in ticks, and put our R&D department to work on the latest pit digging advances."
At that point, the bigwig's eyes took on that terrified expression that often appears on the faces of those who talk to me for more than thirty seconds. "Yes. Yes, why don't we do that," he said, edging towards the door. "Security will be by shortly to help you flesh out the details."
Strangely, security wanted to discuss the details outside, while handing me the contents of my cube in a plastic bag....
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 5:46 PM
3 Comments:
Such is the curse of genious in our modern times, Lance. Let me know when you get Revenge-o-Biz up and running. I'll be a silent partner.
Living well is the best... What a pansy. That philosophy might work at a movie highschool reunion, but come on now.
Any respect I had for bigwig is now gone.
You have the soul of an entomological terrorist. Your battle cry?
PFOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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