A Manion Christmas Miracle
Every year the Manion family has a Christmas miracle. It's impossible to know the time or nature of the miracle. We just know that one will happen. Last year it was "The Miracle of Saint Frank of the Wedge." In '03 it was "The Miracle of the Choir-Jacking." These miracles serve as proof to us that God loves better than everyone else.
This year was "The Miracle of the Scrotal Tick" Apparently God particularly loves my brother, Sonny Crocket. This year, on Christmas Day, he woke up and went to the bathroom. While taking care of business, he noted that there was a large tick, burrowed deep into Mr. Scrotum.
We were all awoken by the resulting high pitched scream of fear and rage.
"What's the miracle here?" you ask. Well, it's winter, and my brother hasn't been running around pantsless (that we know of). Obviously God put a tick on my brother's scrotum as this year's miracle. Where did the tick come from? How did it get there? Clearly the only answer is divine intervention.
The entire family quickly assembled to form a plan of action. We talked, as my brother rocked back and forth, gently weeping. For some reason, he violently rejected the lit cigarette method of tick removal. Eventually, my brother decided that he had to face this challenge alone, as a man.
He took a pair of tweezers and went into the bathroom. For many minutes, we could hear the sound of struggle. Eventually, he emerged, victorious and bloody, and strangely subdued. But the tick was gone. Which was good. If the tweezers had failed, Sonny was going to reach for an Xacto knife.
So that's my Christmas. I hope that your respective scrotums had happy and tick free holidays.
LM
This year was "The Miracle of the Scrotal Tick" Apparently God particularly loves my brother, Sonny Crocket. This year, on Christmas Day, he woke up and went to the bathroom. While taking care of business, he noted that there was a large tick, burrowed deep into Mr. Scrotum.
We were all awoken by the resulting high pitched scream of fear and rage.
"What's the miracle here?" you ask. Well, it's winter, and my brother hasn't been running around pantsless (that we know of). Obviously God put a tick on my brother's scrotum as this year's miracle. Where did the tick come from? How did it get there? Clearly the only answer is divine intervention.
The entire family quickly assembled to form a plan of action. We talked, as my brother rocked back and forth, gently weeping. For some reason, he violently rejected the lit cigarette method of tick removal. Eventually, my brother decided that he had to face this challenge alone, as a man.
He took a pair of tweezers and went into the bathroom. For many minutes, we could hear the sound of struggle. Eventually, he emerged, victorious and bloody, and strangely subdued. But the tick was gone. Which was good. If the tweezers had failed, Sonny was going to reach for an Xacto knife.
So that's my Christmas. I hope that your respective scrotums had happy and tick free holidays.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 12:09 PM
2 Comments:
If it was a bug, singular, tick, not bugs, plural, crabs/lice, then it was indeed a miracle. As a bonus, Sonny can boast that he had his genitals nibbled for Christmas.
Was it a miracle? Or has Santa sworn off coal for the naughty and moved up to transmission of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever?????
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