Rage in a Jar

So I've noticed that my fellow writer has an interesting assortment of makeups and moisturizers on her desk. They all have wonderful and cheerful names like "Hope in a Jar" and "Amazing Grace" and "The Supernatural."

As always, I'm alert to the potential presence of cash, and I immediately sensed a money-making opportunity. I mean, if people are willing to shell out significant dollar amounts for this stuff, there's probably also a market out there for the product I'm developing. So I created a cosmetics company. It's called simply Manion. But it's pronounced with a French accent, because then I can charge more. Seriously. Who charges more, Mary Kay or Clinique? Yeah. So always pronounce it "Man-yon".

Anyway, I just got back from the garage, where I've developed our first product. I'm calling it "Vat Full of Hate".

My target audience will be 40-something divorcees. I once lived in a building inhabited almost exclusively by divorced older women and their cats. The ad campaign will be something like this

Camera zooms on older woman. She on a sofa, looking worn and haggard. A 3/4 empty bottle of cheap white zinfandel and a cat are on the coffee table before her. The only light comes from a TV projecting onto her face. A muted laugh track plays in the background.

*Voiceover* "Did he leave you for some twentysomething chew toy? Did he ruin your life? Did he take your best years and leave you with nothing? Could you fill a vat with the hate that you feel? Well we already have!

New from from the laboratories of Manion, Vat Full of Hate. Simply apply every night, and watch the years fade away."

The scene shifts. Instead we see the divorcee (now played by a replacement actress 19 years old.) as the ex-husband begs her to come back. she rejects him and sets his car on fire. As she walks away, she is approached by a smiling young stud with washboard abs. "Hi," he says, "I love older women."

Fade out to Manion logo and slogan "Manion - Hate is Beautiful"

Vat Full of Hate will be cheaper than the "Hope in a Jar" I will manage the savings by testing on puppies and baby seals. I'm not sure if it's cheaper testing it that way, but what the hell, you know?

The ingredients will be whatever I happen to have a lot of in the garage. Right now it's lithium grease, but whatever. I see some serious coin coming out of this bad boy. So place your orders now.

The Manion Laboratories (me) are already hard at work on the followup product - Tube Full of Vengeance.

LM