Buddha related violence
If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.
Mrs. Manion revealed this Buddhist tenet to me last night. I think it goes a long way to explaining why there are so few overweight, bald buddhists.
Those familiar with such things tell me that it really means that you should never believe that you have all the answers. It means that true certainty is dangerous and destructive. When you stop questioning and searching for true peace and oneness, you have failed in our quest for true zen.
I, on the other hand, believe that it means that I have a license to hand out the smack to any pedestrian that looks like a Buddha.
With this knowledge, I grabbed my nine iron and hit the streets. I passed a few school children. One was a little chubby. In order to be sure, I asked him, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" I cocked my nine iron in readiness for his answer. Instead he started crying. No Buddha there. Wuss.
I pressed on into Boston. Still no Buddha. It was becoming frustrating. I worked a few Hare Krishnas to keep my spirits up.
Eventually, however, I saw a man. The purity of his dharma shone round him. His robes were orange and his expression beatific. I asked him "Are you the buddha?" "No," he said. "I am teacher, a guide, for those who would seek Nirvana."
I wasn't sure.
"What is the sound of one hand clapping, then?" I asked him.
Rather than answer the question, he gestured. It was a simple shrug, but in it, the entire Dharmakaya of the Tathagata was revealed to me. I learned to shed my atman and achieve the Buddha-dhatu, the true nature of Buddha.
I wept for the beauty of the experience.
The man waited for me to compose myself. "I am new to this place. I would make myself available to others who seek guidance. Where may I go?"
Oh yeah, I thought to myself. Nice try mister sneaky Buddha....
As it turns out, he went to the Emergency Room. I tried to explain to the cops, and demonstrate my own Buddha nature with a series of gestures, but I guess I wasn't doing it right. In retrospect, I probably should not have chosen such a groin intensive gesture.
Apparently another key tenet of Buddhism is that space and time are inseperable, and alterable by Buddhist masters. I guess instead of asking about the whole one hand clapping thing, I should have asked about the whole shifting space and time thing. Then I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid holding cell.
Freaking tricky Buddha, man.
LM
Mrs. Manion revealed this Buddhist tenet to me last night. I think it goes a long way to explaining why there are so few overweight, bald buddhists.
Those familiar with such things tell me that it really means that you should never believe that you have all the answers. It means that true certainty is dangerous and destructive. When you stop questioning and searching for true peace and oneness, you have failed in our quest for true zen.
I, on the other hand, believe that it means that I have a license to hand out the smack to any pedestrian that looks like a Buddha.
With this knowledge, I grabbed my nine iron and hit the streets. I passed a few school children. One was a little chubby. In order to be sure, I asked him, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" I cocked my nine iron in readiness for his answer. Instead he started crying. No Buddha there. Wuss.
I pressed on into Boston. Still no Buddha. It was becoming frustrating. I worked a few Hare Krishnas to keep my spirits up.
Eventually, however, I saw a man. The purity of his dharma shone round him. His robes were orange and his expression beatific. I asked him "Are you the buddha?" "No," he said. "I am teacher, a guide, for those who would seek Nirvana."
I wasn't sure.
"What is the sound of one hand clapping, then?" I asked him.
Rather than answer the question, he gestured. It was a simple shrug, but in it, the entire Dharmakaya of the Tathagata was revealed to me. I learned to shed my atman and achieve the Buddha-dhatu, the true nature of Buddha.
I wept for the beauty of the experience.
The man waited for me to compose myself. "I am new to this place. I would make myself available to others who seek guidance. Where may I go?"
Oh yeah, I thought to myself. Nice try mister sneaky Buddha....
As it turns out, he went to the Emergency Room. I tried to explain to the cops, and demonstrate my own Buddha nature with a series of gestures, but I guess I wasn't doing it right. In retrospect, I probably should not have chosen such a groin intensive gesture.
Apparently another key tenet of Buddhism is that space and time are inseperable, and alterable by Buddhist masters. I guess instead of asking about the whole one hand clapping thing, I should have asked about the whole shifting space and time thing. Then I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid holding cell.
Freaking tricky Buddha, man.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 4:01 PM
1 Comments:
I thought it was "If you see the Buddha on the road, try not to splash him with puddles and do offer him money for cab fare. Help a brothah out."
But, I might be confusing that advice with the plot of "Black Buddha 8 - To Be Young and Buddha and Black". I especially enjoyed the loving message about how pimps and ho's need to learn to accept each other and solve their problems with "I" statements:
Pimp: "When you don't bring me all my money, I feel disrespected."
Ho: "When you slap me upside the head and demand all my money on a slow night, I feel you don't understand the plight of a fine sistah, tryin' to find her way in an uncaring world."
Pimp: "When you give me excuses like "It was a slow night", I feel the need to beat yo' ass fo' my money, beeyotch."
etc.
Rent it. It's worth the $1.50.
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