Sacrificial Buddy
A disturbing trend has been brought to my attention. That of celebrities who, after years of partying and hedonism, find God. This trend is best exemplified by none other than Willie Aames. You may know his as the buddy character (aptly named Buddy) on Charles in Charge. Now I can certainly see how being the sidekick to Chachi might make you want to get totally fucked up, but have some dignity man.
These days he's Bibleman. Really!
I have so much more respect for someone like River Phoenix who went out swinging. I too hope some day to shuffle off this mortal coil while barfing outside the Viper Room. Instead, you get these guys who wake up one day, pee blood, and think, "Oh, I can't handle it anymore. I need God." Or wake up next to some OD'ed stranger and think, "Hey, maybe this is a destructive lifestyle." Whatever. You're famous. Act the part.
Whatever. You're famous. Act the part.
The ancient Aztecs (Maybe it was the Incas. Or Toltecs. Mixtecs? I dunno. I majored in English, not Anthropology) used to have a tradition. They'd elect a king. This guy was the earthly embodiment of some god or other. The important thing was this guy lived it up. Big time. Wine, women, song, Armani headpieces, you name it. And at the end of the year, they ripped his heart out with a sharp rock, sent him back to heaven, and picked a new guy. And yet every year, there was huge competition to be that guy.
That's how I see my movie/rock stars.
The deal is this: You get fame and crazy money. And in exchange, you go out and do the stuff I don't get to do. Like getting coked out of your mind and wrapping a Dodge Viper around a tree. (Thanks, Kelsey Grammar!) Like getting whacked out on Ecstasy and invading people's homes (Thanks, Anne Heche!) Of course, the downside is you don't tend to last long. But that's okay. We just tear another would-be star off the roll and the process starts again.
When you find god, or enter rehab, it's like you're copping out on the deal. It's like being the Aztec king-guy and skipping town the night before the sharp rock ceremony.
That's why I like Kid Rock. Chugging Jack Daniels and dating Pamela Anderson. You know. You KNOW, that at some point in the near future, he's going to do a swan dive off a high building while freebasing something so hardcore it doesn't even have a name.
And that's why we have stars. And that, dear reader, is why Kid Rock is an American Badass.
LM
These days he's Bibleman. Really!
I have so much more respect for someone like River Phoenix who went out swinging. I too hope some day to shuffle off this mortal coil while barfing outside the Viper Room. Instead, you get these guys who wake up one day, pee blood, and think, "Oh, I can't handle it anymore. I need God." Or wake up next to some OD'ed stranger and think, "Hey, maybe this is a destructive lifestyle." Whatever. You're famous. Act the part.
Whatever. You're famous. Act the part.
The ancient Aztecs (Maybe it was the Incas. Or Toltecs. Mixtecs? I dunno. I majored in English, not Anthropology) used to have a tradition. They'd elect a king. This guy was the earthly embodiment of some god or other. The important thing was this guy lived it up. Big time. Wine, women, song, Armani headpieces, you name it. And at the end of the year, they ripped his heart out with a sharp rock, sent him back to heaven, and picked a new guy. And yet every year, there was huge competition to be that guy.
That's how I see my movie/rock stars.
The deal is this: You get fame and crazy money. And in exchange, you go out and do the stuff I don't get to do. Like getting coked out of your mind and wrapping a Dodge Viper around a tree. (Thanks, Kelsey Grammar!) Like getting whacked out on Ecstasy and invading people's homes (Thanks, Anne Heche!) Of course, the downside is you don't tend to last long. But that's okay. We just tear another would-be star off the roll and the process starts again.
When you find god, or enter rehab, it's like you're copping out on the deal. It's like being the Aztec king-guy and skipping town the night before the sharp rock ceremony.
That's why I like Kid Rock. Chugging Jack Daniels and dating Pamela Anderson. You know. You KNOW, that at some point in the near future, he's going to do a swan dive off a high building while freebasing something so hardcore it doesn't even have a name.
And that's why we have stars. And that, dear reader, is why Kid Rock is an American Badass.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 1:48 PM
1 Comments:
I could do without Kid Rock's music, but I agree with your sentiment.
I heard the wife from Everybody Loves Raymond is leading a church charge against abortion. Sanctimonious whore.
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