Office Ninja
So I've decided to become an office ninja. I'm not sure what the job requirments are, but I figure it beats technical writing. I came to this conclusion yesterday when I was asked to complete three books in 24 hours. 353 pages, 14 Diet Cokes, and one aneurysm later, a wonderful peace filled my heart. I realized then that the world wanted me to become an office ninja.
Most people are unfamiliar with the office ninja. That's because they are masters of stealth and disguise. Although the pirate is the natural enemy of the traditional ninja, the office ninja battles the marketing department. That is because the marketing department makes silly promises, like 3 books in 24 hours.
Today I entered the office dressed as the office ninja. I decided not to tell HR about my new position. Soon enough they would realize the benefits of having an office ninja about. I disguised myself by taping sheets of copy paper all over my body and putting a recycling bin over my head. After an unfortunate encounter with a stairway, I added eyeholes to the bin. Ninjas are clever like that. Office ninjas, even more so.
Ninjas are clever like that. Office ninjas, even more so.
Despite mounting pain from paper cuts all over my body, I crept into the marketing department. I observed Phil, the new VP of Marketing sitting there all smarmy and breathing. Drawing the sacred stinging wasp from my belt I lunged. The battle was short and furious. Before he could react, I had bested him. As his minions rushed in the door, I threw my dust of concealment and leapt out the window in the confusion.
My victory was complete when I read the account of my actions in the paper the next day. I've taken the liberty of transcribing the article below:
AP Wire - Waltham, MA - Homeless Man Attacks Local Executive
A homeless man, naked but for a few sheets of paper taped to his body, attacked a local executive. Phil Sanders, a marketing executive for Penetrode, Inc. was working in his office when the homeless man ran in the door, screaming "Office ninja! Office ninja!"
The homeless man then slapped Sanders repeatedly with a mousepad. Before security could react, the homeless man broke open a toner cartridge and tossed himself out a window.
Authorities have been unable to identify the man due to the bucket marked "Resikle Bin" that he wore upon his head.
The Waltham Police department's investigation is continuing.
LM, Office Ninja
Most people are unfamiliar with the office ninja. That's because they are masters of stealth and disguise. Although the pirate is the natural enemy of the traditional ninja, the office ninja battles the marketing department. That is because the marketing department makes silly promises, like 3 books in 24 hours.
Today I entered the office dressed as the office ninja. I decided not to tell HR about my new position. Soon enough they would realize the benefits of having an office ninja about. I disguised myself by taping sheets of copy paper all over my body and putting a recycling bin over my head. After an unfortunate encounter with a stairway, I added eyeholes to the bin. Ninjas are clever like that. Office ninjas, even more so.
Ninjas are clever like that. Office ninjas, even more so.
Despite mounting pain from paper cuts all over my body, I crept into the marketing department. I observed Phil, the new VP of Marketing sitting there all smarmy and breathing. Drawing the sacred stinging wasp from my belt I lunged. The battle was short and furious. Before he could react, I had bested him. As his minions rushed in the door, I threw my dust of concealment and leapt out the window in the confusion.
My victory was complete when I read the account of my actions in the paper the next day. I've taken the liberty of transcribing the article below:
AP Wire - Waltham, MA - Homeless Man Attacks Local Executive
A homeless man, naked but for a few sheets of paper taped to his body, attacked a local executive. Phil Sanders, a marketing executive for Penetrode, Inc. was working in his office when the homeless man ran in the door, screaming "Office ninja! Office ninja!"
The homeless man then slapped Sanders repeatedly with a mousepad. Before security could react, the homeless man broke open a toner cartridge and tossed himself out a window.
Authorities have been unable to identify the man due to the bucket marked "Resikle Bin" that he wore upon his head.
The Waltham Police department's investigation is continuing.
LM, Office Ninja
posted by Lance Manion at 12:13 PM
2 Comments:
My God do I salute your triumph!
(I have actually just displaced several vertebra, so sharp, crisp and forceful was my salute.)
Thank you, Senor Flint. You are my role model for all nudity related acts of vengeance.
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