The Stench
Okay, so I was at a meeting today. I attend a lot of meetings. It's a good way to look busy without actually doing anything.
Anyway, this was a pretty crowded meeting, so we were packed pretty closely. So far so good. And halfway through the meeting, something starts to tickle my nostrils. Then something starts assaulting them.
Yes, someone in the meeting was passing gas. Ripping off a few silent but deadlies. And it was horrible. I'm not sure what goes on in this person's colon, but I doubt it can be explained by normal biochemical processes. It was nasty beyond all possible description. And it didn't stop.
At first I hoped that the air would just clear on its own. But it didn't. My eyes were beginning to tear. I looked around, trying to figure out who had inflicted this stench upon me. No one looked guilty. And the smell just kept getting worse.
I expected some undead creature to emerge from beneath the table or something. It would have explained the green tint in the air. And hideous evisceration was starting to look pretty good.
Eventually the meeting drew to a close. The host asked if there were any questions.
I stood and asked, "Which of you bastards has been blasting farts from the deepest pits of Hell?"
Well, I didn't really. But I wanted to. I really did. I mean come on, how low is that? Farting repeatedly in a crowded room? That's pretty evil even by my standards.
LM
Anyway, this was a pretty crowded meeting, so we were packed pretty closely. So far so good. And halfway through the meeting, something starts to tickle my nostrils. Then something starts assaulting them.
Yes, someone in the meeting was passing gas. Ripping off a few silent but deadlies. And it was horrible. I'm not sure what goes on in this person's colon, but I doubt it can be explained by normal biochemical processes. It was nasty beyond all possible description. And it didn't stop.
At first I hoped that the air would just clear on its own. But it didn't. My eyes were beginning to tear. I looked around, trying to figure out who had inflicted this stench upon me. No one looked guilty. And the smell just kept getting worse.
I expected some undead creature to emerge from beneath the table or something. It would have explained the green tint in the air. And hideous evisceration was starting to look pretty good.
Eventually the meeting drew to a close. The host asked if there were any questions.
I stood and asked, "Which of you bastards has been blasting farts from the deepest pits of Hell?"
Well, I didn't really. But I wanted to. I really did. I mean come on, how low is that? Farting repeatedly in a crowded room? That's pretty evil even by my standards.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 5:30 PM
2 Comments:
I think one of the Commandments down there in the teens (13-19) has to do with banning repeated noxious emissions. That or the vehicle/sphincter code of California, I don't remember which.
You know, it's not like you jumped on a conference table with a Zippo screaming "Freedom! Freeeeeeeedoooooom!" looking to abate the stench.
Next time you have a meeting, show up in blue Scot war paint ala William Wallace. It'll stop silly, farting foolishness. Mostly because people will be afraid that you'll gut them.
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