Net Effect of Promotion

So several of you have written to me asking what the actual results of my recent promotion are. I list them here:

• I can now communicate telepathically with tapeworms. This has led to an interesting personal discovery about the contents of my intestines.
• I can now officially declare a party to be either bangin' or whack
• Although my job title remains "Drone/Bottomfeeder" my direct reports will now be referred to as "sub-minions"
• I can authorize company expenditures of up to $10 at Circle-K.
• I am now permitted to take Centrum Silver vitamins, despite being under the recommended age. Truly, it's a great time to be silver.
• On business casual days, I can now get away with wearing a tuxedo t-shirts.
• In the event of Enron-scale malfeasance, I may be called upon to act as a scapegoat.
• My business cards now come with my name pre-printed, instead of a fill-in-the-blank.
• I am now permitted one fake doctor's appointment per month.
• When I finally am fired, I will not be charged for the cardboard box containing my stuff.

Yes, it's a pretty proud time in the Manion household. Screw the expense, tonight we're eating the good cat food!

LM