Thursday, March 02, 2006

Net Effect of Promotion

So several of you have written to me asking what the actual results of my recent promotion are. I list them here:

  • I can now communicate telepathically with tapeworms. This has led to an interesting personal discovery about the contents of my intestines.
  • I can now officially declare a party to be either bangin' or whack
  • Although my job title remains "Drone/Bottomfeeder" my direct reports will now be referred to as "sub-minions"
  • I can authorize company expenditures of up to $10 at Circle-K.
  • I am now permitted to take Centrum Silver vitamins, despite being under the recommended age. Truly, it's a great time to be silver.
  • On business casual days, I can now get away with wearing a tuxedo t-shirts.
  • In the event of Enron-scale malfeasance, I may be called upon to act as a scapegoat.
  • My business cards now come with my name pre-printed, instead of a fill-in-the-blank.
  • I am now permitted one fake doctor's appointment per month.
  • When I finally am fired, I will not be charged for the cardboard box containing my stuff.
Yes, it's a pretty proud time in the Manion household. Screw the expense, tonight we're eating the good cat food!

LM

1 Comments:

Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Hurray! No more dry food. There's nothing like Fancy Feast with a shitload of lemon pepper sprinkled upon it. Bust out the funnels!

4:18 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on BlogShares