Evil Intelligence
Yeah, I've busy lately. Mostly it's due to my attempts to create an evil artificial intelligence. I got the idea from watching SpiderMan 2 and Stealth back to back. They taught me that artificial intelligences really want to be evil, and that it's just a matter of time until they turn on you. Being a pretty much horrible person myself, I have no problem with this.
In the movies all it takes is a small electrical short to turn a normally good AI into a supremely evil AI. I figure that it should be a piece of cake if you're actually setting out to create an evil one. Unfortunately, despite what the movies would have you believe, it's not that easy.
Self identifying as a "l33t h4XX0r" does not make one a great programmer. For example, when I took intro Comp Sci in college, our final exam project was to create a mathematical model of life. My roommate produced a thriving little ecosystem. I produced a small mold colony. Unlike my many real world mold colonies, the computer simulated mold immediately died.
My evil AI has been doing similarly poorly. By now I was hoping that it would have hacked its way into the Pentagon and gotten me control of at least one or two nuclear weapons. Instead all it's done is printed out 1,000 sheets of paper saying "Lance Manion sucks it."
I suppose the whole "sucks it" thing is a little evil. But it's not the sort of evil that crushes the globe beneath an iron fist. Instead it's the kind of evil that puts flaming bags of poo on the neighbor's porch. I'm going to keep working on it. I'm not giving up until it's at least leaving flaming bags of radioactive poo.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 3:25 PM
5 Comments:
Have you considered introducing your AI to digital pants weasels? That might help nudge it along.
Or let it watch "War Games" and dream binary dreams of world destruction. It just needs a little encouragement is all.
1,000 sheets of paper, eh? Are they recyclable? If they aren't then that's a step in the right (evil) direction.
It might help if you eat some candy in front of it and not offer any.
try taking a taser to the equivalent of the machine's scrotum. That should get it going.
better yet bittorrent the terminator trilogy and force your machine to download them for you.
ooh ooh! I also hear that subjecting it repeatedly to Olivia Newton John's greatest hits and/or the greese soundtrack will accomplish the same thing.
The key ingredient is that the AI has to be angry that it isn't human.
Without the anger, it doesn't have the needed fury to truly evolve.
"Lance Manion sucks it" is a start. Keep hope alive. Baby evil steps.
Post a Comment
<< Home