Interview with the Manion
As many of you know, I strongly advocate the use of a monkey puppet when you're interviewing for a job. Yesterday, however, I had the chance to use my monkey puppet on the other side of the desk. Yes, Penetrode is hiring another writer.
For the most part, this is good news. The only downside is that they're hiring the guy that I beat out for my current gig. And they asked me to interview him. I knew going in that he was a little bitter, but I was determined to be as professional as possible. But as my ace in the hole, I brought the monkey puppet.
So here's how the interview went.
Lance Manion - Professional. Smooooth. Yes, it takes four o's to describe how smooooth I am.
Monkey Puppet - A typical monkey puppet, which is to say it is belligerent, abusive, and deeply, deeply evil.
Bob - My interviewee. A fellow technical writer, about 10 years older than me, and apparently a little bitter.
So Bob shows up and we take seats in the conference room. I have Bob's resume and am just about to start discussing tools and document architecture, when Bob decides to start something.
Bob - Hey, that's a, uh, nice monkey puppet you have there.
LM - Yeah, but my monkey puppet has one problem. You know what that is Bob?
Bob - Um. No?
LM - He's not holding a banana, is he Bob?
Bob - No... it doesn't look like it...
LM - Do you know why that is, Bob?
Bob - No...
LM - Because apparently you don't want the job badly enough to get him a banana. Bob.
Bob - So you'd like me to get a banana for your monkey puppet?
LM - (Sighing heavily) Yes, Bob. Yes, I would like you to get a banana for my monkey puppet.
Bob - Is this a test? Some sort of leadership or role playing thing?
LM - (composure slipping) No, Bob! It's a test of whether or not you're going to come through with a damn banana for my monkey!
Bob - Um. Lance, you know that the puppet's not a real monkey, right? It's a cloth thing with your hand up its ass. Seriously.
(lengthy, awkward silence)
LM - You're not a team player, are you Bob?
Bob - I'm a team player. I'm just kind of blown away that you're the guy that got my job.
LM - Bob, don't blame me. Blame the monkey.
Bob - Blame the monkey for what?
And then the monkey puppet attempted to pull Bob's scrotum up over his head. Sadly, the puppet never got Bob's scrotum higher than chin level, but he tried for quite a while. Then Bob brought the puppet a banana.
After that the interview went a lot better. And it looks like we'll be hiring Bob as soon as he gets back from the hospital.
LM
For the most part, this is good news. The only downside is that they're hiring the guy that I beat out for my current gig. And they asked me to interview him. I knew going in that he was a little bitter, but I was determined to be as professional as possible. But as my ace in the hole, I brought the monkey puppet.
So here's how the interview went.
Lance Manion - Professional. Smooooth. Yes, it takes four o's to describe how smooooth I am.
Monkey Puppet - A typical monkey puppet, which is to say it is belligerent, abusive, and deeply, deeply evil.
Bob - My interviewee. A fellow technical writer, about 10 years older than me, and apparently a little bitter.
So Bob shows up and we take seats in the conference room. I have Bob's resume and am just about to start discussing tools and document architecture, when Bob decides to start something.
Bob - Hey, that's a, uh, nice monkey puppet you have there.
LM - Yeah, but my monkey puppet has one problem. You know what that is Bob?
Bob - Um. No?
LM - He's not holding a banana, is he Bob?
Bob - No... it doesn't look like it...
LM - Do you know why that is, Bob?
Bob - No...
LM - Because apparently you don't want the job badly enough to get him a banana. Bob.
Bob - So you'd like me to get a banana for your monkey puppet?
LM - (Sighing heavily) Yes, Bob. Yes, I would like you to get a banana for my monkey puppet.
Bob - Is this a test? Some sort of leadership or role playing thing?
LM - (composure slipping) No, Bob! It's a test of whether or not you're going to come through with a damn banana for my monkey!
Bob - Um. Lance, you know that the puppet's not a real monkey, right? It's a cloth thing with your hand up its ass. Seriously.
(lengthy, awkward silence)
LM - You're not a team player, are you Bob?
Bob - I'm a team player. I'm just kind of blown away that you're the guy that got my job.
LM - Bob, don't blame me. Blame the monkey.
Bob - Blame the monkey for what?
And then the monkey puppet attempted to pull Bob's scrotum up over his head. Sadly, the puppet never got Bob's scrotum higher than chin level, but he tried for quite a while. Then Bob brought the puppet a banana.
After that the interview went a lot better. And it looks like we'll be hiring Bob as soon as he gets back from the hospital.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 2:04 PM
2 Comments:
This is much, much funnier than it should be, what with all the scrotum abuse and whatnot. I laughed out loud, (and not the abbreviated kind either) now I mistrust myself.
That was driving amusingly along, and then it just swerved off and flipped over and over into the funny, funny ditch.
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