The Monkey Says Fuck You
I've come up with the perfect job negotiation tool. It is, of course, the monkey puppet. You're sitting in the office with your potential new boss. He says "I'm sorry, but 40k is the best we can do" Your monkey puppet turns and says "Your offer is pathetic. We want fifty! And four weeks of vacation! Fuck you!"
You then, can appear to be embarrassed by the monkey, but hey, your hands are tied. It's the monkey doing the negotiating. The great part is, there are no hard feelings later. You can apologize for the monkey being a hard bargainer and everone has a good laugh. Plus you get the raise and the vacation.
I can see your boss later saying, "Man, that monkey was tough! We had hoped to get you for 45, but he really held our feet to the fire. And when he started flinging poo! Man! But we're glad to have you."
Just remember to bring the monkey back when it's performance review time.
You then, can appear to be embarrassed by the monkey, but hey, your hands are tied. It's the monkey doing the negotiating. The great part is, there are no hard feelings later. You can apologize for the monkey being a hard bargainer and everone has a good laugh. Plus you get the raise and the vacation.
I can see your boss later saying, "Man, that monkey was tough! We had hoped to get you for 45, but he really held our feet to the fire. And when he started flinging poo! Man! But we're glad to have you."
Just remember to bring the monkey back when it's performance review time.
posted by Lance Manion at 5:35 PM
2 Comments:
I am always amazed at how much a vulgar word makes me laugh, but the Monkey Puppet is priceless. You win, Lance.
That's mighty fine! Easily the best idea I've heard all week, the Monkey Puppet for job interviews... And of course if you have a number of miniature wardrobes, Monkey Puppet's applications are just about endless.
(That's the key I think, Monkey Puppet always dresses the part. A consummate professional that Monkey Puppet.)
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