Vitor and the Children, Part 1 - Vitor Comes to the Sneath Pit
So, some of you have noticed a recurring theme in the comments section. That theme would be a series of references to someone known simply as Vitor. The tale of Vitor is a deeply moving one, of squalor, deprivation, and Sneath, ending in a triumph of the human spirit. But mostly it's a tale of Sneath. So grab yourself a Tennent's Extra and pull up a chair.
As I've mentioned before, after college a few of us went back to the UK to live and work. Here's the cast:
After a quick search, we found jobs and housing. We ended up in a squalid little furnished flat on Sneath Ave, in Golders Green, London. Recognizing that image is everything, we christened our new home "The Sneath Pit."
As for jobs, we found the following:
Lance Manion - Professional balloon animal maker
Pro - I was the highest paid of the three of us.
Con - Constantly tormented by German tourists, occasionally blinded by balloons.
Amandarama - Jewelry salesperson for Christian Dior in Harrods
Pro - Got to wear home thousands of dollars worth of costume jewelry.
Con - Christian Dior eventually noted absence of jewelry.
Rob the Fightguy - Referee for Quasar, (Organized Laser Tag)
Pro - Generous coworkers with large supplies of weed.
Con - Weird hours, worked with children.
So anyway, we were in London, cold, poor, and hungry. But at least we had a crappy little 10" television. We were plucky and made the best of it. We would gather nightly and watch Red Dwarf, Absolutely Fabulous and Get Stuffed.
And then one day we were burglarized. Not that there was much to steal from our squalor. But the burglars were plucky as well and made off with the aforementioned crappy little television. They also trashed our flat. Well, all the parts except mine, which I had already trashed.
That was a dark time. There was a void in our hearts and in our souls. And we looked to fill that void. One night as we sat around listlessly, we explored the many dusty cupboards and boxes left by previous denizens of the Sneath Pit. And as if it had been waiting for us, we found a book. And this book not only filled the void in our lives, it changed us forever. And I must share this book with the world.
Coming soon, Vitor and the Children Part 2 - The Word of Vitor.
LM
As I've mentioned before, after college a few of us went back to the UK to live and work. Here's the cast:
- Lance Manion - Dangerously Sexy
- Amandarama - Dispossesses Slyly
- Rob the Fightguy - Dismembers Swiftly
After a quick search, we found jobs and housing. We ended up in a squalid little furnished flat on Sneath Ave, in Golders Green, London. Recognizing that image is everything, we christened our new home "The Sneath Pit."
As for jobs, we found the following:
Lance Manion - Professional balloon animal maker
Pro - I was the highest paid of the three of us.
Con - Constantly tormented by German tourists, occasionally blinded by balloons.
Amandarama - Jewelry salesperson for Christian Dior in Harrods
Pro - Got to wear home thousands of dollars worth of costume jewelry.
Con - Christian Dior eventually noted absence of jewelry.
Rob the Fightguy - Referee for Quasar, (Organized Laser Tag)
Pro - Generous coworkers with large supplies of weed.
Con - Weird hours, worked with children.
So anyway, we were in London, cold, poor, and hungry. But at least we had a crappy little 10" television. We were plucky and made the best of it. We would gather nightly and watch Red Dwarf, Absolutely Fabulous and Get Stuffed.
And then one day we were burglarized. Not that there was much to steal from our squalor. But the burglars were plucky as well and made off with the aforementioned crappy little television. They also trashed our flat. Well, all the parts except mine, which I had already trashed.
That was a dark time. There was a void in our hearts and in our souls. And we looked to fill that void. One night as we sat around listlessly, we explored the many dusty cupboards and boxes left by previous denizens of the Sneath Pit. And as if it had been waiting for us, we found a book. And this book not only filled the void in our lives, it changed us forever. And I must share this book with the world.
Coming soon, Vitor and the Children Part 2 - The Word of Vitor.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 3:31 PM
4 Comments:
Did you guys pay the Tv tax? If you did, having a crappity Tv stolen is horrible. If you didn't, then you never know. That might have been your saving grace.
Good God!!! This is a brilliant tale so far. I can't even say anything self-promotionally witty I'm so enraptured.
Oh, goodie. I like books. I hope it wasn't The Celestine Prophecy.
"Amandarama....Con - Christian Dior eventually noted absence of jewelry."
Well, actually, no. No, they didn't. And that was sort of the problem. But I gave it back anyway.
But, I sense that this will be the best story ever...Vitor rules!!!
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