White Water Rafting with Manion, OR, Riding the Short Raft
First off, sorry for the lapse in posting. I'm sure that many of you went into something akin to heroin withdrawal, but much, much, worse. It's okay. I'm back and promise to resume posting at something resuming a regular interval.
In the meantime, you're probably asking, "Manion, where have you been? Were you curing cancer? Rescuing kittens? Wherever did you go?"
And the answer is, Mrs. Manion and I went white water rafting. It's a blast. Put a bunch of middle aged thrill seekers in a boat, equip them with blunt weapons, and throw them over a waterfall. Hilarity ensues. Of course, any day that starts with a warm Bud Ice and a powdered donut is already destined for greatness.
Any day that starts with a warm Bud Ice and a powdered donut is already destined for greatness.
At least that's how it worked for us. We were in a boat with four other people and a guide. Let's go over the cast, shall we?
Jay Lee - Our guide. He seemed prepared to kill and eat any one of us, should the trip go poorly. He's spent the past ten winters living in his pickup truck. I have more testicles than he has teeth.
Couple 1 - An IT salesguy and a the worlds wussiest tree hugging chick. I can respect vegetarians. I can't respect someone who walks into an inn with 43 different species of animal mounted on the wall and begins asking if the trout was farm raised. Come on, I don't order cheeseburgers in vegetarian restaurants. These people think lettuce is the stuff that food eats.
Couple 2 - A pharmaceutical rep and transplant surgeon from China. I speak about as much Chinese as they do English, which is to say, none. Presumably, you have to be pretty intelligent for either of these jobs. All I'm saying is, I pray I never need an organ transplant in China.
So, we pulled out, rowing out way down the Penobscot river. Most of the rowing was done by me, Mrs. Manion, the IT guy and the guide. The tree hugging chick rowed like the wussiest wuss that ever wussed. It was painful to watch. The asian couple kept putting their oars down to take pictures. Or worse, they got excited during the rapids and started waving the oars around the inside of the boat. One nearly beheaded Mrs. Manion.
The highlight of our trip was when a nearby raft flipped and we had to row out to save the rafters. I think the asian couple though our mission was to club the other rafters to death. They certainly weren't rowing. Maybe the Chinese government believes that incompetent rafting is punishable by death. I dunno.
So in sum, I'm back, rested, and ready to resume writing.
-LM
PS. Look forward to tomorrow's post - "Maine, the Personalized License Plate State"
In the meantime, you're probably asking, "Manion, where have you been? Were you curing cancer? Rescuing kittens? Wherever did you go?"
And the answer is, Mrs. Manion and I went white water rafting. It's a blast. Put a bunch of middle aged thrill seekers in a boat, equip them with blunt weapons, and throw them over a waterfall. Hilarity ensues. Of course, any day that starts with a warm Bud Ice and a powdered donut is already destined for greatness.
Any day that starts with a warm Bud Ice and a powdered donut is already destined for greatness.
At least that's how it worked for us. We were in a boat with four other people and a guide. Let's go over the cast, shall we?
Jay Lee - Our guide. He seemed prepared to kill and eat any one of us, should the trip go poorly. He's spent the past ten winters living in his pickup truck. I have more testicles than he has teeth.
Couple 1 - An IT salesguy and a the worlds wussiest tree hugging chick. I can respect vegetarians. I can't respect someone who walks into an inn with 43 different species of animal mounted on the wall and begins asking if the trout was farm raised. Come on, I don't order cheeseburgers in vegetarian restaurants. These people think lettuce is the stuff that food eats.
Couple 2 - A pharmaceutical rep and transplant surgeon from China. I speak about as much Chinese as they do English, which is to say, none. Presumably, you have to be pretty intelligent for either of these jobs. All I'm saying is, I pray I never need an organ transplant in China.
So, we pulled out, rowing out way down the Penobscot river. Most of the rowing was done by me, Mrs. Manion, the IT guy and the guide. The tree hugging chick rowed like the wussiest wuss that ever wussed. It was painful to watch. The asian couple kept putting their oars down to take pictures. Or worse, they got excited during the rapids and started waving the oars around the inside of the boat. One nearly beheaded Mrs. Manion.
The highlight of our trip was when a nearby raft flipped and we had to row out to save the rafters. I think the asian couple though our mission was to club the other rafters to death. They certainly weren't rowing. Maybe the Chinese government believes that incompetent rafting is punishable by death. I dunno.
So in sum, I'm back, rested, and ready to resume writing.
-LM
PS. Look forward to tomorrow's post - "Maine, the Personalized License Plate State"
posted by Lance Manion at 8:48 PM
2 Comments:
Sounds like perilous fun. Were the rescuees bobbing happily along in their orange vests? Did the Chinese bop them like popping heads from that old arcade game with the hammer?
You may have inspired me to go whitewater rafting at some point. Had you ever been before that?
Oh, and I'm glad you are looking out for tapirs.
Post a Comment
<< Home