Memories I'd like to erase

Everyone has treasured memories. Their first kiss. Learning to ride a bike. The charges being dismissed. Things like that. Of course, we also all have memories that we'd like to lose. Unfortunately, these are generally the same ones that your brain likes to trot out and show you every so often. And you still cringe like it was yesterday, even though it's actually been years since you were wedgied by nuns.

It's a vindictive organ, that brain.

In an effort to exorcise a few of my personal demons, I'm listing some of the memories I'd like to erase.

• A drunk naked football player clutching his scrotum and screaming "Mixed nuts, Dougie! Mixed nuts!"
• Salmonella opening up the proverbial tubes at both ends
• Explaining to my parents how I managed to melt an entire dishrack
• Crashing the following vehicles. Not all at once. (Who wants to go for a drive?):
• '78 Chevy Malibu,
• '84 Plymouth Colt,
• '86 Toyota MR2,
• '98 Acura Integra.
• Crashing a riding lawn mower
• Sinking a Jet-Ski, and the ensuing Coast Guard rescue
• Passing out in a toy store (Hamley's for you Brits) and wiping out an entire display of teddy bears (incredibly, this incident was not drug or alcohol related)
• Accidentally setting fire to the roof of the school library
• Vomiting on Lloyds of London (okay, this one was alcohol related)
• Falling over in an important meeting with IBM because my leg was asleep. Being unable to get back up. They thought I was having a seizure.

Yes, these were some good times. Especially for Dougie. But that's another story for another time.

LM