Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Altitude Sickness, or "I'm pretty sure that squid's not real"

Once upon a time I went out to visit Mrs. Manion's family in Colorado. They live near Castle Rock, in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. I'm more of a sea level kind of guy myself.
The trip started poorly. My flight left at 6 AM. Being an idiot, I decided, "You know, if I'm going to have to get up at 3 AM to get to the airport, I'm just going to push through and have an all nighter."

So I was already pretty zonked when the plane touched down in Denver. I compensated by chugging lots of Diet Coke. Unfortunately, the caffeine in Diet Coke, while a stimulant (all hail caffeine), is also a diuretic, so it dries you out.

So what do we have so far?
  • dehydration
  • fatigue
  • reduced O2
So I'm in Colorado, and Mrs. Manion and I decide to visit Seven Falls, pushing us up around 8,000 feet. I'm not feeling real well, but I hate to disappoint, so I press on.

At this point, I'm feeling a woozy, but I'm okay. I think. I start having a conversation with Mrs. Manion, who then says, "Who are you talking to?"

"You," I answer.

"But I didn't say anything," she says.

Then I know that not all is well at Lance Manion HQ. But I don't want to alarm her. So we keep driving around. And out the passenger side window I see a squid with a taco stand. And I think, "I've never been to Colorado. It's entirely possible that they have giant squids that own and operate taco stands." And then I think, "It's also possible that I'm severely fucked up."

So we get to Seven Falls. It's very nice. A network of waterfalls in among the mountains. There are some pictures of us there. I look like like my name should be Smokey McPot. We hang there for a while and get ready to drive home.

Did I mention that I'm the one driving? Well, yeah. It's my rental car. I'm not letting some hallucinations get in my way.

So we drive home. The challenge is figuring what's real and what's not. So I evaluate everything I hear against whether or not it sounds like something that might really happen. I did pretty well. Sure there were some non sequitors, and I ran a few red lights that turned out to be real after all, but that tends to happen with me.

We made it home okay, and I passed out for a while. I still regret not trying the squid tacos though.



Blogger Ari said...

Dunno 'bout squid tacos, but fish tacos are actually pretty good.

11:18 PM  
Blogger Ari said...

And no, sadly, that was not a confession of bi-curious sexual exploration.

11:19 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Whenever I get all "whoa. Did you always wear that scarf on your second head?" it usually means my bloodsugar is low or someone snuck tequila in my Diet Coke. But I haven't done that in Colorado yet.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Lance Manion said...

Ari, my hopes were so very high after you first comment, only to be cruelly dashed. But feel free to start exploring and posting saucily graphic accounts here!

Sara, what if you have low blood sugar and drink tequila simultaneously? I'm thinking we can break through the elusive 3 head barrier here.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

I'm game! After I have the baby, my blood sugars will be low all the time! And who doesn't love tequila flavored breast milk?

1:07 AM  

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