Taking it Personally
When I check my hotmail account, I frequently see ads for various personal matchmaking services. And the ads usually run something like this -
Kandi - 25 - Redondo Beach, FL - Kandi enjoys muscle cars, performing oral sex, and three-ways. She's fabulously wealthy, but not too bright, and has no idea what a prenup is. And there's a picture of some pouting blonde with parted lips looking like she's waiting for some porn film director to shout "Action!"
I think that the men that see these ads are supposed to think "Hey, I should subscribe to that service! Then I can meet women like that. I bet beer guts are a huge turn on for her!" When in reality, you couldn't get "Kandi's" attention with a flare gun and a suitcase full of hundreds.
But I bet some men join the dating service, figuring "It has to be kind of true, right?" Then they find out that the service actually has one female client, who's 40, incredibly bitter over her divorce, and devoted beyond all sanity to her chihuahua, El Fuego Nino.
Instead, I suggest that people do what I did. Hang out in a bar until you find a woman who's drunk enough to respond positively to the patented Lance Manion pickup line - "Hey baby, how 'bout it?"
Of course the current system isn't all bad. I do like being able to look at pouting blondes with parted lips and claiming that I'm researching a blog entry.
LM
I think that the men that see these ads are supposed to think "Hey, I should subscribe to that service! Then I can meet women like that. I bet beer guts are a huge turn on for her!" When in reality, you couldn't get "Kandi's" attention with a flare gun and a suitcase full of hundreds.
But I bet some men join the dating service, figuring "It has to be kind of true, right?" Then they find out that the service actually has one female client, who's 40, incredibly bitter over her divorce, and devoted beyond all sanity to her chihuahua, El Fuego Nino.
Instead, I suggest that people do what I did. Hang out in a bar until you find a woman who's drunk enough to respond positively to the patented Lance Manion pickup line - "Hey baby, how 'bout it?"
Of course the current system isn't all bad. I do like being able to look at pouting blondes with parted lips and claiming that I'm researching a blog entry.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 1:40 PM
3 Comments:
My husband made a complete ass of himself before we started dating because it would be funny. That approach normally doesn't work, but I felt the need to deflower him as soon as possible. That kinda bit both of us the in ass.
My personal favorite pickup line is "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" though I can't take credit for it.
Throwing my $.02 into the ring, my favorites are the following in no particular order:
"You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?"
"I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?"
"You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?"
"Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me."
"I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?"
And, my personal favorite:
"Are those real?"
(And, in most cases, they aren't.)
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