'Roid Rage
So unlike most of the human race, I have no thyroid gland. This comes as no shock to me, as I was there for the series of operations in which it was removed. Apparently mah 'roid (as I like to refer to it) had a case of what the doctors like to call "thyroid cancer," or some other medical jargon. It's no big. It's one of those cancers that nobody dies from. Well, except Chief Justice Rhenquist, but he had a different flavor of it, and was 43,000 years old.
Once in a while I miss it. The gland, not Rhenquist. Apparently the gland is butterfly shaped. Or at least most are. Mine was more softball shaped (and sized) which rather necessitated the removal. So when I see butterflies or softballs, I think about it.
I've asked for a new one, but I guess they don't transplant those. It's kind of too bad, because I've already got the scar. They might as well swap a new one in. Or a bionic version! That would be totally bitchin'. I'm not sure what a bionic 'roid would get me, but I bet I could fight crime or something with it.
Anyway, it's been a year since mah 'roid shipped out. I amuse myself by envisioning the adventures that my 'roid goes on.
I like to imagine him skiing the slopes at Zermat. Or maybe partying on the beach in Rio. Or even better, seeking out my enemies and jumping out of air ducts, latching onto their faces and tormenting them. That last one is my favorite.
Maybe Disney could make a movie out of it, or something. Some kid finds my 'roid, thinks it's a dog (or whatever), and they become best friends while seeking vengeance against my enemies. Kind of like "Lilo and Stitch" meets "Chuckie".
So anyway, on the first anniversary of being officially 'roid-less, I hope that wherever you're at, my little butterfly shaped buddy, you're raging old school.
LM
Once in a while I miss it. The gland, not Rhenquist. Apparently the gland is butterfly shaped. Or at least most are. Mine was more softball shaped (and sized) which rather necessitated the removal. So when I see butterflies or softballs, I think about it.
I've asked for a new one, but I guess they don't transplant those. It's kind of too bad, because I've already got the scar. They might as well swap a new one in. Or a bionic version! That would be totally bitchin'. I'm not sure what a bionic 'roid would get me, but I bet I could fight crime or something with it.
Anyway, it's been a year since mah 'roid shipped out. I amuse myself by envisioning the adventures that my 'roid goes on.
I like to imagine him skiing the slopes at Zermat. Or maybe partying on the beach in Rio. Or even better, seeking out my enemies and jumping out of air ducts, latching onto their faces and tormenting them. That last one is my favorite.
Maybe Disney could make a movie out of it, or something. Some kid finds my 'roid, thinks it's a dog (or whatever), and they become best friends while seeking vengeance against my enemies. Kind of like "Lilo and Stitch" meets "Chuckie".
So anyway, on the first anniversary of being officially 'roid-less, I hope that wherever you're at, my little butterfly shaped buddy, you're raging old school.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 12:30 PM
3 Comments:
I would totally watch a movie about your 'roid kicking your enemies butts. I might even take my son to see it, depending on the animation style. He's a child of the new millennium and prefers computer animated films.
My grandma had the same type of surgery some twenty years ago and is just peachy. She's pissed because her phone wasn't hooked back up in her vacation house, but peachy nonetheless.
I'm happy that you're doing well after a year of being 'roid less.
I always saw my 'roid as more of a live action thing, probably played by Benicio Del Toro. But animation would be cool too.
I don't know if Del Toro could bring the required deapth to your 'roid. I mean he has to show everything from righteous anger to sorrow and homesickness, and he needs to look roughly like a softball-shaped 'roid. Maybe one of the aliens from critters could do it....
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