Scratchy the Scabie

I spend a lot of time online, and I've noticed a trend for drug companies to create cute little characters associated with their drugs. You've got that cute little Zoloft bubble, and Digger the Dermatophyte for people who treat their messed up toenails with Lamisil. These are just the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.

Here at Mercenary Words, we're always looking for a way to cash in on something. Anything. We'd sell our own grandparents for a dollar! So we've been looking to come up with a licensed character that we can sell to a major pharmaceutical company. And we think we've got something here.

Scabies. Well, we don't actually have scabies. Thank god. But we have a licensed character for scabies.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with scabies, they're skin lice. They're barely visible without a microscope. They live under your skin and make itching your full time job. Particularly in areas where it's hard to really scratch that itch publicly, if you know what I mean.

So now we're going to propose the character of Scratchy the Scaby to the major drug companies. He's cute, lovable, and makes you scratch till you bleed. I've already ordered a thousand plush toys. They've got so many cute little legs and antennae.

When the money starts rolling in, I plan to become completely obnoxious.

LM