Genuine Manion - Accept No Substitutes

So I've noticed that we get a lot of traffic from people who've queried Google for the name Lance Manion. Now this search returns a lot of guys who claim to be Lance Manion. For example, there's a guy on BarettaForums claiming to be Lance Manion. Now I'm certainly comfortable with my second amendment rights, but I'm not that guy.

This situation creates a lot of concern out there among the two or three of you who regularly follow Mercenary Words. How do you, the reader, know that you're dealing with a genuine Manion? Or, as the philosopher Eminem once asked, "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?"

So here are a few helpful hints for identifying a true Manion from the hordes of Manion wannabees.

First off, examine your Manion. Check for scarring. True Manions tend to get scarred. For example, I have (among other scars) my Yuppie battle scar. It's about four inches long and runs up the inside of my left arm. I got it while opening a crate of Bordeaux. It's embarrassing. I try not to tell people how I got it. It's like having a brie related injury. Usually I lie and tell people I got it while rescuing a minivan full of Playboy Playmates from a pack of rabid weasels.

It's like having a brie related injury.

Once you have examined your Manion, ask him or her to solution to any problem. The Manion should reply something along the lines of the following: "Rage until you puke" or "Beat it until your fists bleed" A typical Manion is a simple being, with simple thoughts. It's kind of a Rousseau tabula rossa thing. But with beer and violence.

If your Manion has already answered the previous questions correctly, the odds are good that you have a genuine Manion. Still, if you want to be extra sure, ask your Manion where the best breakfast in the greater Rhode Island area is. A true Manion will immediately reply "The Legs and Eggs show at the Foxy Lady on Chalkstone Ave in Providence. Duh."

So these little pointers should help you to identify authentic Manions, and not be fooled by pretenders. It's kind of like Antique Roadshow, but instead of hearing things like "This is genuine Edwardian sterling silver tea set in excellent condition. It's worth about three thousand dollars," you hear things like "Yeah, that guy's a Manion. Just stay clear in case he accidentally hoses the room with toxic waste." Which I did once, but it was an accident.

LM