The Creative Process

Many of you write to me and say, "Lance, how is it that you manage to write something new and entertaining virtually every day? What's your secret?" And the answer is simple. I use the patented Mercenary Words creative process. Try it yourself, and watch the content flow, like a big flow-y thing.

Because I'm a sharing kind of guy, I've outlined the process below.

1. Go to work.
2. Write documentation for about 13 minutes.
3. Create elaborate revenge fantasy against enemies.
4. Decide to save fantasy in case I ever have a chance to put it into motion.
5. Listen to gangsta rap.
6. Have lunch with loser friends. Pray that they'll say something funny that I can use.
7. Cope with disappointment of loser friends yet again.
8. Consider getting new friends.
9. Decide instead to order rounds of tequila fanny bangers.
10. Friends still not funny, but personally am much funnier. Sexier, too!
11. Return to work
12. Write documentation for about 13 minutes
13. Listen to more gangsta rap.
14. Scare coworkers by singing out loud about "Brooklyn in the back, sippin' 'yac, whassup, y'all"
15. Panic that it's already 2:00 and still have nothing to write.
16. Pound forehead onto keyboard.
17. Sniff markers.
18. Remember creative writing teacher's advice - Write what you know.
19. Throw together some garbage about drinking, cars, and B&E.
20. Realize it sucks, but save it in case I get more desperate later.
21. Copy and paste the word "poopy" over and over, hoping that it might somehow become amusing, or possibly avante-garde.
22. Reread previous posts wondering if it's too early to try to recycle content.
23. Become sufficiently desperate that I decide to use garbage post about drinking, cars, and B&E.

It's a thing of beauty, people. Feel free to use it in your own blogging lives.

LM