I'm a Bad Person, and That's OK
As I've mentioned before, I'm a bad person. I'm okay with this, and don't really feel a need to change. I like it because it gives me a certain degree of personal freedom and a complete immunity to feelings of guilt.
You know, in the movies, where the morally weak character sells out the hero to the bad guys, and then redeems himself by some act of self-sacrifice? I'm kind of like that, except for the part where he later redeems himself. In my movie, you'd see my character flying first class to Europe while the hero is chased down the street by every bad guy in town.
For example, yesterday I was one of many employees teleconferencing with some remote salepeople. I was looking remotely at this guy's computer screen. On his screen, he had a picture of his son, an unattractive boy of about 4.
Because I'm a bad person, I had no problem saying "Damn! That kid is ugly! We're talking scare-a-dog-off-a-meat-truck-ugly! Get that ugly off my screen!"
Because there were many people, and the connection was poor, I was able to remain safely anonymous in the conference call, while creating tension and strife.
So now there are many people arguing, blaming and finger pointing. Plus HR has asked me to write a policy about "proper inter-employee dialog" I plan on including an exception clause for "cases of severe ugly".
It was a good day.
LM
You know, in the movies, where the morally weak character sells out the hero to the bad guys, and then redeems himself by some act of self-sacrifice? I'm kind of like that, except for the part where he later redeems himself. In my movie, you'd see my character flying first class to Europe while the hero is chased down the street by every bad guy in town.
For example, yesterday I was one of many employees teleconferencing with some remote salepeople. I was looking remotely at this guy's computer screen. On his screen, he had a picture of his son, an unattractive boy of about 4.
Because I'm a bad person, I had no problem saying "Damn! That kid is ugly! We're talking scare-a-dog-off-a-meat-truck-ugly! Get that ugly off my screen!"
Because there were many people, and the connection was poor, I was able to remain safely anonymous in the conference call, while creating tension and strife.
So now there are many people arguing, blaming and finger pointing. Plus HR has asked me to write a policy about "proper inter-employee dialog" I plan on including an exception clause for "cases of severe ugly".
It was a good day.
LM
posted by Lance Manion at 9:48 AM
6 Comments:
"Stay the vile creatures, let us not be overcome by the anti-christ! That there is a dang demon child! Deliver us! A screen saver, anything!"
Too cool, Brewster! Yeah, you were right to point out that the kid was ugly. Probably the first time anyone told the guy the truth.
If the baby's ugly, the baby is ugly. I'm totally the bad guy who has a change of heart. Usually an hour to late so it never really counts.
You know, it's not like you leapt up on the board room table and pointed at the monitor like the evil monkey from "Family Guy" shrieking "Unclean! Unclean!" What a bunch of tight-asses.
BRFA, you know, later, that's what I wish I'd said. The perfect response always come to ya later, you know?
Lex, that's the great thing about being a bad person. I can say it whether it's true or not.
Sara, it's cool not to have the change of heart until you're sipping Krug on the Riviera. In fact, a pang of conscience can sometimes help you pick up chicks. Well, it works for me, anyway.
Amandarama, that's totally what I thought. It's not like I killed everyone in the room to preserve my anonymity.
And an addendum stating a right cross is an acceptable response to "good morning" if it really isn't.
Post a Comment
<< Home