Taunted by Squirrels

We've got two bird feeders out on our deck. Lately they've been attracting more squirrels than anything else. I'm not opposed to squirrels per se, but the air of entitlement that the squirrels are beginning to show is really starting to get to me.

Mrs. Manion has suggested that if we put other food outside that the squirrels will understand that the bird feeders are only for the birds. I think if we try that we might as well put up a sign saying "All you can eat squirrel buffet". Although of course that might give passers by the impression that we have a buffet that serves squirrel as an entree. I sense a business enterprise here.

Let me work on it and get back to you.

My father has offered me some advice; namely a "second amendment solution" It seems to work pretty well for him. He's got almost no squirrels, and enough pelts to make a car cover, but something about sliding open the glass doors and reenacting Saving Private Ryan make me edgy. I'd also like to avoid having guests trip over the spent shells in the dinette area. Let me think about it some more.